Relationship Futures?
Dec. 21st, 2008 01:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dagibbs"Does the relationship have a future?" is a very interesting question. It comes with a whole whackload of assumptions about what "a future" for a relationship should be. Moving in together, getting married, having kids, etc. Progress, growth.
Our culture doesn't value stability, steady-state. It is either growing or stagnating. The whole idea of "progress". Is the economy growing? Does this thesis make a significant contribution to the growth of human knowledge? Does that company have a growth plan. We have a very strong cultural bias that if something isn't growing/expanding/getting better then it isn't worth it, and isn't worth pursuing. We see this in personal pursuits -- why are you doing X - playing a sport, painting, or whatever if you're not getting better at it?
But are there things we value that are not growth/progress oriented? I think of Sam Lake (the lake my parents cottage is on). Within the time scale of a human life, the lake is neither growing nor stagnating. It does fluctuate -- in the spring the lake is a bit deeper, a bit bigger and as the summer progresses into fall, the water level drops and the lake ends up a bit shallower and a bit smaller. And next spring, it happens again. Some years, the high water mark is higher than others, some years the low water marks are lower than others. But in the scale of a life, there is a rhythm, but no progress.
Is that a reasonable way to look at life? Is that a reasonable way to look at "the future of a relationship"?
Am I too western to view things this way?
Our culture doesn't value stability, steady-state. It is either growing or stagnating. The whole idea of "progress". Is the economy growing? Does this thesis make a significant contribution to the growth of human knowledge? Does that company have a growth plan. We have a very strong cultural bias that if something isn't growing/expanding/getting better then it isn't worth it, and isn't worth pursuing. We see this in personal pursuits -- why are you doing X - playing a sport, painting, or whatever if you're not getting better at it?
But are there things we value that are not growth/progress oriented? I think of Sam Lake (the lake my parents cottage is on). Within the time scale of a human life, the lake is neither growing nor stagnating. It does fluctuate -- in the spring the lake is a bit deeper, a bit bigger and as the summer progresses into fall, the water level drops and the lake ends up a bit shallower and a bit smaller. And next spring, it happens again. Some years, the high water mark is higher than others, some years the low water marks are lower than others. But in the scale of a life, there is a rhythm, but no progress.
Is that a reasonable way to look at life? Is that a reasonable way to look at "the future of a relationship"?
Am I too western to view things this way?
